The Fallen Strikes Back

I’ll rise from the abyss, stronger than ever

Hey you guys, update on my life again. Yes again, you might ask yourself. I have lots of exciting stuff I’d like to share in the form of reviews, tutorials and well simple show offs haha. But until I get a proper laptop (not another shinier iPad), I’ll have to take time to do these things, which means they’ll roll out slowly. It’s definitely going to happen, but slowly. 

Today is a special day. Or rather it was. I asked a girl out whom I’ve met on Tinder but sadly she couldn’t make it today. Something came up apparently. Quite bummed out by that. You know you try to throw yourself on the market, try to be stylish, interesting and captivating to the outside world but really is it for you or is it to diss your ex and your family? 

“Because I can get people to like me, dad.” or “hah in your face, ex!”.

Bit of both at first? But mainly because I want to close this embarrassing chapter I had. The chapter of me being left heartbroken, devastated and humiliated. I’d like to think that I had given up lots and would give up lots for my ex, according to some friends my behavior was predictable because it was the first time I was in a seriously dedicated relationship, well one I thought that would last me a ring on her left ring finger, beautiful children and grandchildren and nice place to retire to. Evidently not, here I stand and I have to man up and get the heck over it. 

Hearing that your ex moved on so quickly with somebody else grants several mixed feelings. But for me the most nauseating feeling was me being left all alone yet again, while the woman I thought I loved gave her heart to somebody else. It makes you feel insignificant, unwanted, played. It just doesn’t feel right even though you just hope the best for them. Why? Because I want to move on now too. I can’t get her back anymore, even if she wanted me back I don’t think I would go in on that offer. I want commitment even though I’m this young because let’s be real here folks. Searching for your true love amongst paying off your mortgage, trying to convince your parents you can still give them grandchildren “soon”, maintain and perhaps upgrade to a better job is really really a hassle. Not all of us lead the American Dream, nor the American Hollywood sham, meaning I can’t Ross-Rachel my old relationship, I want closure and I want to move on. 

So today the hope kinda sank away when I got a text message from my date. Hours later she apologized and was so sorry because she apparently looked forward to it. Okay granted I was a bit upset, to see her thoughtful apologizing message, reinvigorated me with new hope. The first girl I officially matched whilst returning to Holland; remained rather hard to get so I’m not sure where that would lead to. Not to mention that I have three matches unanswered, so I’m really crossing my fingers on those even though the prospects of them “returning the call” look quite bleak. 

One thing for sure I can guarantee is that I can touch up my hair color and probably have some grooming done before any next date. Damn it. I looked forward to this so much. Again not in the sense of me getting back at any one but to actually put time in new people, new friends and confirm to myself that “yes Kevin, there are people out there who do want to start something with you”. 

It’s a tough dog eat dog world but it’s our world. I’m looking to meet her at Sunday if possible but no promises given. Hopefully my other matches are more willing to meet up with me. I just need to clear my mind, set some things straight over who I am, what I want and what the future will look like for me. 

I fell and I fell again. I’ll always fall but I won’t give up without a fight. Which makes me a persistent a hole lol. I guess. Anyways just make sure that you keep the patience for these kind of stuff, I know I’ll try my best. 

Until the next time again, I ❤ you all. 



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