Today marks the third chapter of the my Date A Live relationship-dating series actually inspired by the anime/manga series “Date A Live”. First hand experience, advice and of course little bitching from yours truly.
Yesterday, I felt I hit a brick wall. I didn’t receive anymore hits/matches on Tinder, things began to really progress slowly. The first girl I met was either completely uninterested in me anymore, the second girl sounds like she’s busy and probably not up for a relationship and the other girls are just not replying or are in an online contact with me which also feels very slow. Thinking that I have maximized my efforts and downloaded several new dating and super liked, as well as regular liked more people, only to find that nobody is actually responding, or interested. Cause yeah, some people might be just more fortunate in life than others.
Today the unimaginably imaginable happened. My ex messaged me again. “Eyy what’s up?”. Yes a part of me felt like smacking her but I allowed room for conversation. Naturally because, yes I too was also curious to what she has been up to and because I had given up on vengeance. It’s just not good for the skin and holding grudges makes you sick(er).
While messaging my cousin simultaneously, I also messaged my ex. Heard a lot of interesting things, certainly came across as somebody who I guess tried bothering to care about me again, asking question, basically actually keeping the conversation alive while I just kept on replying. Wanting to smoke weed, became drunk not long ago. She’s not the girl I used to know. She’s not the girl I used to date. She’s definitely not the girl I used to love. Influenced by third parties, useless moronic friends, she tries to shape a life, or better yet a person she actually loathed when we were together. I guess time changes. Or perhaps peer pressure is still a thing for the mentally weak.
I bear no outrageous feelings of hatred for her, other than the frustration and grief she caused me by rubbing in my face with her new guy not too long after we she broke up with me, the way she made me feel unwelcomed amongst her friends, whom I befriended and thought they were reasonable people (clearly they’re not) and the harsh cold tone she put (again probably inspired from bad cliché Hollywood romance sitcoms), because she actually think “everything would work out better for the both of us that way”.
Pitiable. Of course I’m sad. I thought she would stay on the good path. Be a good girl, stay sane, stay reasonable, it doesn’t have to be for me but for herself. Doing weed and getting drunk isn’t cool because other people say it is. It’s sad. It’s succumbing to peer pressure. The good inside of me wished I had said something back but looking back at all the things I said and did to her, I was probably the bad guy in her head, the one who forbade her from doing nice things, enjoyable things like doing soft drugs and alcohol, I didn’t want to get scolded, I felt it wasn’t my place. Not anymore. One of the signs of me not, not caring per sé, but honestly moving on.
I think 20 is perhaps a too young age to be tied down to somebody too. But you see it in tv shows, dramas or read in literature how mind boggling romance is. Play it well and you’ve got that what many people desperately seek. Lose that game and the consequences are dire. I’ve been a winner and a loser in this game, think we all have. Which comes to the final part of interest, her asking me whether I’ve found any girls lately and yes she is aware of what happens on my Instagram and even liked my date photo.
Like I told my cousin, I’m not going to grant her satisfaction, nor potential misery. It’s none of her business anymore. I won’t pull the lower end and I won’t be bested in this battle of minds she’s trying to play. You can’t act all nice after what a horrible thing you’ve done and made somebody feel. I don’t demand her to beg for forgiveness, I’d only like an insightful realization of her wrongdoings and a simple apology. Then we can all move on. It’s not exactly going to be water under the bridge but it’s a better start.
Feeling bitter? Yeah a bit? But at least I ate a box of chocolates lol. Anyways, it’s sad that people often choose the path of making themselves look like a total winner during the break up, while I think mentally and to an extent physically, you’d be better off just laying the truth on the table and deal with it maturely. She’s just a kid. There’s no arguing about that. Will I ever be good friends with her again? Time will tell, but for now, I’ve always returned from the abyss, not totally unscathed, not always stronger than ever. But I survived. That’s important to me and with the experience I have now, hopefully I can avoid or prevent things like these from ever happening.