Hi all, it has been quite a while since I last spoke to you, mainly because I was wondering what direction wanted this blog to go and also trying to invest more time into other social activities aside from dating. But lately things have been interesting, to say the least, but also troublesome. Let me sketch the (new) potential candidates who supposedly are in the running for my love.
Yes I’m still very hopeful about Kimmy, so that is the sole reason as why she’s still “in the running”.
This has got to be one of the most difficult situations in the scenery of love, of which I have ever gotten myself into. Now it won’t come as a surprise to you that I have confessed my feelings to Kimmy, but with very little luck of entering into any type of proper relationship after, be it a friendly one or a romantic one. For weeks, I sighed and swiped and then I happened to notice another Korean girl who attends the same university as I do. I accidentally swiped “like” only instead of the super like and I had already accepted that a beautiful girl as her would not notice me. Then a while later, she had super liked me and we matched on the same day, if not a day later. I was stunned and perplexed. We talked after the match but she immediately cut to the chase and introduced herself as Kimmy’s friend.
She was curious as to who Kimmy was texting a week or two ago and eventually that person was revealed to be me. And so she found me on Tinder and connected with me for the purpose of becoming good friends, best friends or even put Kimmy and me together. The reason for her finding me so quickly and spontaneously with all the questions asking whether I was looking for someone etc, still have me baffled to this day. I agreed to her request of adding and continuing this on Facebook, to which we finally met in person last week Wednesday.
And oh boy, I’ll tell you this girl, this woman has it all. Although her English wasn’t as good as Kimmy’s I understood her stories, I met her as she was waiting for me at Central Station. We walked around, talked, laughed and exchanged deep personal stories. I think I have never been explored and read in such a quick way before as with Alexia, this girl. She understood my style, my feminine side and the pain I suffered. She consoled me and told me stories of her own wounded past which almost made me even shed a tear. I knew this girl was so mature, emotionally strong, independent and smart and I felt I couldn’t let her go. My fear however was, that she treated me like this is because she potentially sees me as a friend only, or younger brother at the most and I cannot believe to say that I am starting to develop romantic feelings for her. It was curious to note that during our talks she ocassionally asked my feelings for her friend Kimmy, how my search for a girlfriend is and my feelings in general. This made me feel so many different things, the fact that she might be into me, the fact that she is wary of me maybe using her to get Kimmy (which I have no intention of) and the potential fact of feeling like just another “close friend” again. We parted ways and promised to see each other again until yesterday. Where I got a message from her that she’ll be trying to make some time free for me but she wanted to introduce her best friend to me as well. What the exact meaning of this is, remains a mystery but I’m hunching that she is trying to seek approval before engaging in any other way. Anyway, Alexia met up with Kimmy again a few days after we met and the only thing I fear is that out of spite Kimmy will throw the fact of my confession at Alexia and the last thing I’d want is for her to feel like I see her as a second option. What happened with Kimmy was over a month already and nothing happened ever since I got shot down. But if Alexia and I do become a couple, this will certainly drive a weird love triangle wedge in my vicious circle of never ending drama.
In other related news, I have also met up with the artist Sohyun! And she was the most liberal and progressive Asian I have actually met up till now. I could definitely tell that this experience of dating with her showed me that I was actually really much appreciated. Perhaps because I wasn’t trying as hard as with the other dates, as well as that our date took place at The Hague, basically my home turf. I felt liberated, understood and definitely I could sense a lot of similarities between us. I think this is definitely the first date I have had where I am certain of meeting up with her again. I loved Sohyun’s personality but I feel that I wouldn’t be the right person for her entirely if she were to have romantic feelings for me. As for now I’m a mess that I myself don’t really get but I definitely want to see her again as well as Alexia.
Hopefully there will be a second date to both Alexia and Sohyun. Both amazing people and as for Sohyun, a dear friend I would definitely do not want to lose. The next turn is now up to Alexia and hopefully she’ll play her hand well in this game. The same game of love, I feel I’ve been a losing player for a long time.