When there’s not much time left to the day
When we used to make wishes and laugh
Everything reminds me of you
The wind is as cold as the edge of your heart
When I open the window, you blow in
When this time passes
Will this break up be over?
Will I forget you?
It’s 11:11 alright. This set of numbers have two particularly interesting meanings. To the faithful, it has an angelic meaning of some sorts. To the wider audience, 11:11 is probably most recognizable as “Single’s Day” which occurs on November 11th, or actually it’s just about being single.
I know it makes little sense to post something about a date long past, but I feel like with the notorious “Blue Monday” and even as my birthday went by (interestingly my birthday fell upon a Blue Monday last year), I felt I had not much to show for or be really happy of. My ex and I recently started talking more properly again, after a small cold shoulder from yours truly. Wishing me a happy birthday sunshine. I don’t know whether that’s supposed to sound cheesy or an attempt at a friendly handshake.
I also found that my other ex (the one before the most recent ex, yes sadly people break up with me all too easily) has left two likes for me at my Instagram pictures; most notably my birthday posts. I guess this also should just be viewed as a silent and neutral way of saying “Happy Birthday”. Looking back at what these two did to me, I would’ve and should’ve despised them, loathed them and publicly shame them for the pain they inflicted on me and the suffering they have caused me. Yet somehow I feel like I long for familiarity, for their love or more specifically one of their love again.
We’ve had the year of a lot of tragedies behind us and an inauguration of a supposedly awful president. In these roaring times I just yearn for some familiar comfort. Me being the picky two shoes I am, finds that the likes of Tinder ain’t cutting it anymore.
On a more positive note, I have been trying to step up my game more fashionably, become more recognizable and stand out more better, be the apparent diva I am but mostly draw attention to me. Positively or negatively, if I entered somebody’s mind, I must’ve done something right! But still it doesn’t completely take my insecurities and loneliness away. If I could hug one of my exes, I would but even at this moment, I know I want to continue where we left off before it got so rudely cut off. Like I told my most recent ex, “you didn’t even give me the opportunity to completely try and prove myself; do my best and that’s a shame”. It’s true. I think if people held onto their faith as much as they listen to other people, who knows what beautiful relationship they could’ve have?
I’m not perfect, I’m far from being the brilliant diamond I aspire to be, but I’m realistic, play on my strengths and accept my flaws. I’m still looking at my calendar, thinking of the wishes we once made, the promises that have told and the warmth that we shared. As much as my other friends would hate me to go back to one of my exes, my door is always open, albeit the door is to be ajar. What can you say about the people who seemed to be ideal to you and know everything about you, yet smartly blamed you for the failure of the relationship haha?
I think the best thing is to really move on yeah, but how? Somebody has formed a precedent about me being unhealthy, and another person made a precedent about me being the unmanliest. The contacts are frozen, partially severed but the love isn’t entirely dead. Though I still hope, I skeptically and enviously gaze upon the successful, those with love I desire but apparently can only hope to get.