Today marks a rather bittersweet, dark gray chapter in life story, for today after a about 6+ weeks, my relationship has come to a definitive end. Gosh, my track record really is shit.
Like the title already says: “what is dead may never die”. And indeed so. A beautiful quote from Game of Thrones and I think an excellent quote open for any interpretation really. In my optics I’d roughly translate it to “beyond salvation, irreversibly permanent”. Game of Thrones, the show me and my well I guess I can freshly say it, ex watched. The show that kinda brought us together and watching it at her place was something I immensely looked forward to. In my case I felt that I have given so much of myself to her, I’ve tried talking and opening a dialogue but I was either not properly understood or just responded with a very dry, unresponsive message.
Sadly it’s over. I have not much to say other than that the whole experience was interesting to say the least, but rather unfortunate towards the end. My former girlfriend and I have had difficulties speaking to each other because of a language barrier and the fact that she was very dry and uninterested or rather one-sided in her speech both in real life and in chat, didn’t help to further strengthen our bonds as I had hoped. That definitely led to friction towards my end and I’ve definitely and righteously demanded her to open up, be honest and just engage in a dialogue like any other normal couple would. Eventually I felt things were going stale but rather than to take the easy route out, I decided to take my chances and see what I could improve on. But alas, she has chosen to end it on reasons that we probably do not fit well together as well as her parents don’t allow her a boyfriend overseas.
If that’s the case why the Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel? Oh and by the way she actually still used the Tinder in my presence last week and I frustratedly asked her to delete it, because we were together. Of course a small portion of me insists that she might just redownload the apps without little to no remorse. After all why be tied down to one person so quickly if you’re an international student? All theories, plots and speculations, the true answer supposedly given but I don’t completely buy it. I won’t look further into it because I am done as well. At one point in my life I just feel like I should cut the crap, cut my losses, carry on and take it like a man.
I loved the way my ex felt about me first, that driving, desperate almost longing for me and the cooking she did. But sadly as time went by I guess I just am too boring for her, even though I did my best as a boyfriend bringing her out to places and paying for food and even got her a Swarovski necklace as birthday present. My friend furiously said she should’ve not accepted that gift if she was already thinking of breaking up.
I know there is a God and I believe in a God. I just wish and pray that all the sins I have caused for lying to my parents about where I was everytime I was with her are forgiven and that I’ve always done my best treating this girl well. And to add that I really hope that all the goodness I’ve done will definitely come to repay me in some form soon one day.
Things like these happen and they’re not fun. I’ve played my role well, excellent even as my sister would say. Then it’s up to the other party and they’re not so good at playing this game. In a way I feel played, taken a fool for and a bit silly but I cannot deny that all these experiences is what builds upon my character and make me even more determined to be a responsible man with valor as well as a strong individual who never stops believing and fighting for his ideals.
When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, I hope to find a girl who will truly dedicate herself towards loving me, being with me and cherish me.